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  • Writer's pictureMelissa McGrath

Having Trouble Dealing With Expectations - Your Own and that of Others ?

Updated: Nov 23, 2021

* They have loads of fantastic friends * Wow they're killing it in their career

* That old school friend just bought a house on the beach * My brother and his wife are retiring and living the dream * Everyone is in a better relationship than me

Bla, bla, bla .......... lots of white noise spinning around in your head. It is helpful to ask yourself 'what effect does this have on me ?

If you really do find yourself buying in to whatever it is that makes you feel unworthy or incompetent it might be time to evaluate the value of that path. Only deciding what you want for yourself and taking action, gives change a chance. If you sigh with frustration or with sadness or even with anxiety, at other people's facebook posts because you would much prefer to be them, then you are sabotaging your own happiness. How do you know they even want to be them?

We live in an era of increasing competitiveness and there is little we can do about this unhealthy phenomena. What we can do however, is find our place in the world, our career path, our friendship base, and our slice of contentment - on our terms. And it is not "easier said than done", it is easy once you learn how. Ok maybe not shoe it in easy, but certainly achievable. I have initiated many life changes that other's may have considered risky and let me tell you, conquering them, watching them come to fruition is the bomb! The personal reward and satisfaction once your plans are reality is something you cannot put value on, as it is priceless. The term mindfulness feels as though it has been somewhat done to death I know, but it really is a useful tool to have.

If you are in an unhealthy social circle, stage left and exit it. If you have family members who are detrimental to your self-esteem and goals, see them less. If you are stuck in a job that is 'respectable' or well paying but you are dreaming daily of one you would much rather be in, act on that now. If you always thought you'd be great at soccer or basketball, join up! Even if its D Grade Friday night muck about, just jump in. You may feel you are stuck in a rut, or you may have recently exited a long term marriage and therefore the world should be your oyster. But instead everything is appearing scary and you are instead feeling a little lost. You know what, flip the script and make it a time of excitement and opportunity instead. And during this process don't worry about how your friends live, how they are navigating turning 40, 50, 60 or how your family think you should go from here - just decide how you wish the next few decades to be.

The only person who can hold you back from where you wish to be is you. Sounds like a cliche meme, but it really is no more complicated than that once you become determined. There are just a few things to remember before you embark: firstly there is the possibility of push back from those close to you (could be jealousy, could be their lack of faith in your ability for change) secondly your determination to change paths and power forward may not happen overnight. A little bit of planning will of course be needed, but that's OK. And you may need assistance with confidence building or overcoming anxieties. I am able to help you on that path if you feel Clinical Hypnosis could be for you, or there are a plethora of great books out there if you feel you can help yourself. Most importantly is that you create a mindset that provides strength for change.

Tapping in to your powerful subconscious mind is your key. Mindfulness is your key to going to a place that you did not think possible for you, a place that you felt was reserved for those that you watch from the sidelines. Those content people. I know, as after the longest time of not being in that Club, I learnt how to be. There is no turning back once you are. So ...... start making those plans. 2022 could be grand.

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Paul Ashbee
Paul Ashbee

This is a good read. A condensed description of the mindset of many.

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